tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post1782122862458372340..comments2024-03-28T06:16:39.508+00:00Comments on Help! I Need a Publisher!: SUBMISSION SPOTLIGHT 3: adult readersNicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-89365317204004786162009-07-15T09:57:50.896+01:002009-07-15T09:57:50.896+01:00*puts on editorial hat*Yankee-centric doesn't ...*puts on editorial hat*<br><br>Yankee-centric doesn't really bother me. If it's an American book; I expect it to have an American feel :).<br><br>I'm not convinced that the query does your book justice. It gives me the general idea--Jack, from his somewhat precarious position, is about to tell us how he got into this mess. And as it's his swan song, I'm suspecting that he&#BuffySquirrelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-14676100918997956132009-07-14T03:52:25.034+01:002009-07-14T03:52:25.034+01:00Wow, first of all, thanks to Nicola for choosing m...Wow, first of all, thanks to Nicola for choosing my submission and thanks to everyone who has commented. To anyone who’s itching to know:<br><br>a) "streamie" does refer to a streaming internet video (you win the cupie doll, Thomas) <br><br>b) the hero’s name is a pastiche of Jack Kerouac and Boris Pasternak<br><br>c) the poorly defined “revolution” would be the forthcoming Second Redleghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-13553261304636077682009-07-14T00:32:29.883+01:002009-07-14T00:32:29.883+01:00I enjoyed reading the excerpt. I didn't keep r...I enjoyed reading the excerpt. I didn't keep reading because I had to, if that makes sense. There were a few things that caught my attention, though.<br><br>I agree with Vicariousrising, Jack seemed pretty nonchalant for someone trying to save his fiance. Perhaps the book begins after he's resolved that?<br><br>My reaction to Jack's request to plead his case was dismissive- who cares Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06909176210194176373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-85783768672784020752009-07-14T00:00:52.002+01:002009-07-14T00:00:52.002+01:00I agree with the comments about changing the query...I agree with the comments about changing the query letter to reflect that this is a scifi sooner. I was caught up in it being historical until it is later mentioned that it is, in fact, not historical.<br><br>Maybe it is just me, but I couldn't get into the story. I would have liked to have seen Jack concerned over his inability to reach his lover because he is on the line to be executed. vicariousrisinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16354890444410748967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-5616770081094427172009-07-13T20:52:16.615+01:002009-07-13T20:52:16.615+01:00I agree with most of what’s been said, especially ...I agree with most of what’s been said, especially the point about this being yet another back against a brick wall, and yet another rabid dog. <br><br>I’m guessing that a ‘streamie’ is a ‘streamed movie’ in which case I like that Sci-Fi touch very much.<br><br>As has already been pointed out, the colours blue and red might have an unfortunate effect on publishers and on your market. It also Thomas Taylorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12987047131104943571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-55446350465329378672009-07-13T19:40:28.866+01:002009-07-13T19:40:28.866+01:00This engaged me. Being a Brit, I was not confused ...This engaged me. Being a Brit, I was not confused by historical associations. That said, I very nearly stopped at the first paragraph. 'Back against a brick wall' - humph. And why are rabid dogs always shot - I grew up in places where there were rabid animals and was told to keep out of their line, not to call in the local firing squad - i.e. the opening is a touch cliché'd and needs DOThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00719312854612984929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-41021255419563237862009-07-13T16:26:53.236+01:002009-07-13T16:26:53.236+01:00Ah, Lynn, my American friend, of course I know you...Ah, Lynn, my American friend, of course I know your name really, but I'm a little over-combobulated today (I'll tell you why in an email) and so I confusticated myself.<br><br>Redleg - crikey, you've just hooked the beagle's handler. And if you don't know how difficult that is, go and read her blog - the behlerblog, even though her name IS Price. She's even more Nicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-507978572157399892009-07-13T16:17:55.349+01:002009-07-13T16:17:55.349+01:00And frankly, when you've got people like Lynn ...<b>And frankly, when you've got people like Lynn Behler inventing horrible things like chocolate martinis, they're welcome to it.</b><br>Harumph! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. And, Nicola, darling? My last name is Price, not Behler. That's the name of the company. Heee.<br><br>Ok, on to Redleg.<br><br>The first thing that stood out at me is your last line in your behlerbloghttp://behlerblog.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-53654138757285124452009-07-13T14:09:13.938+01:002009-07-13T14:09:13.938+01:00I was also taken by this idea. And I agree with th...I was also taken by this idea. And I agree with the points about sorting out the covering letter, to make the nature of the concept clearer from the start (which you don't need to do in the actual opening.) <br><br>However, if I were to have a few hours with Redleg, I'd soon sort out some simple stylistic errors which are making the sample look amateur and not as good as I know his Nicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-82976742844397848052009-07-13T12:10:53.050+01:002009-07-13T12:10:53.050+01:00Your reference to "socialized medicine" ...Your reference to "socialized medicine" and the bad guys being Blue suggests to me some contemporary political baggage in the story. You'll have to be careful to keep your presentation of that balanced so the story doesn't become a piece of propaganda rather than serious fiction.<br><br>I thought your narrator's voice was a tiny bit inconsistent. His tone suggests a regular Pablohttp://www.paullamb.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-63926410947492583402009-07-13T11:00:22.258+01:002009-07-13T11:00:22.258+01:00I write as an British reader, specialist subject, ...I write as an British reader, specialist subject, word echoes. Jack says ‘anyway’ twice.<br><br>I really liked this and would have read on. Jack is an immediately engaging hero, the dystopian set-up is intriguing, and I want to see how he gets out of his predicament. (I should say I’d be decidedly grumpy if Jack got shot at the end of the book.) I also enjoyed the humour. Excellent.Lexihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14404818053292364819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-15777595572590877572009-07-13T10:13:12.666+01:002009-07-13T10:13:12.666+01:00Hiya,the first chapter was great; I agree about ta...Hiya,<br><br>the first chapter was great; I agree about taking out "surprisingly" and just saying "unsurprised", but personally I'd leave in "neither was attractive".<br><br>Again, the opening paragraph of your letter needs work. Move the "science fiction" statement higher up and rework the wording s that it sound a bit less like a historical novel.<brGemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01693182585136055698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-29190797432269093072009-07-13T09:37:01.077+01:002009-07-13T09:37:01.077+01:00Awww, I liked that! I agree with the first comment...Awww, I liked that! I agree with the first comment, your letter was a little confusing, I too first thought it was a historical American Revolution novel, so was a bit surprised when you said that it was science fiction.lacerhttp://lacer.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-77031651307892869432009-07-13T09:34:09.736+01:002009-07-13T09:34:09.736+01:00Sorry, I should have said I'd move the 'sc...Sorry, I should have said I'd move the 'science fiction' mention to earlier in the first paragraph, rather than to the first from the second!Dayspringnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-45761418287456463042009-07-13T09:31:30.236+01:002009-07-13T09:31:30.236+01:00Wow, this was really interesting. I was a bit con...Wow, this was really interesting. I was a bit confused in the first paragraph of the letter. 'Post-revolutionary' sounded like the American Revolution, whilst 'Blue America' made me think perhaps it referred to the Northern states from the civil war. I had the impression right off that this was a historical novel, so the first paragraph raised a lot of questions, and I was Dayspringnoreply@blogger.com