tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post2452607223991516771..comments2024-03-28T06:16:39.508+00:00Comments on Help! I Need a Publisher!: Pitch Pitch - two novels todayNicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-51285172230328909252012-03-07T22:31:05.591+00:002012-03-07T22:31:05.591+00:00I don't have anything constructive to add as a...I don't have anything constructive to add as all my points and questions have been covered, but I'd like to say that although I wouldn't normally read anything from either of these genres, I'd really like to read both of these books!Johanna Nieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09988171098253816070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-65676860643622045262012-03-07T22:29:40.381+00:002012-03-07T22:29:40.381+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Johanna Nieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09988171098253816070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-56895511857536683832012-03-06T09:50:26.852+00:002012-03-06T09:50:26.852+00:00Thank you very much for the comments - those are ...Thank you very much for the comments - those are really useful and I'm really grateful. Condensing without confusing is tough!<br /><br />I've printed out the comments and am going to work through them to try and cut the confusion, simplify and clarify.Zeba Clarekhttp://www.thatreadingwritingthing.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-75378681366052472472012-03-05T21:14:57.861+00:002012-03-05T21:14:57.861+00:00Firstly I'd like to thank Nicola for giving me...Firstly I'd like to thank Nicola for giving me this wonderful opportunity.<br /><br />Thank you also to those who have left comments they are much appreciated. In direct response first to JO, I agree re 'Battle of Supremacy', it doesn't fit at all. Why did I not see that?<br /><br />Thanks Kate, I hope the book is far better than my pitch. I found writing the pitch much harder Joanne Michaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15053505030027457654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-44477090134712869912012-03-05T14:53:48.078+00:002012-03-05T14:53:48.078+00:00Completely agree with JO, both of these are fresh ...Completely agree with JO, both of these are fresh and interesting stories.<br /><br /><b>The Apprentice</b> – I'd cut the full names here, keep it to first-names only so it's clearer to read. No need to say 'Young Apollonia', you've already said she's a young woman. Change 'he' to 'the King' for clarity. <br /><br />Which of 'The two women' are E.Mareehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17283073495361530535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-14716687970730684232012-03-05T12:59:08.345+00:002012-03-05T12:59:08.345+00:00I read both genres and like the ideas in both thes...I read both genres and like the ideas in both these novels. <br /><br />I think The Apprentice hits the reader with too many people and names in the first parag - woman, brother, Henry, Appollonia, uncle, Henriette. The Query Shark would scream bloody murder, I fear. <br /><br />The second paragraph is clearly stated. The third mentions the man she loves which is probably a bit too late. If it Elizabeth Dunnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-3266955174711296962012-03-05T10:28:51.268+00:002012-03-05T10:28:51.268+00:00I think both pitches perfectly illustrate the dile...I think both pitches perfectly illustrate the dilemna of wanting to attract readers to your novel, while trying not to sound too formulaic. Like Jo I found the first slightly confusing and thought both were a little over-written. Is there a risk of ending up sounding too much like PR blurb? I bet there are excellent books lurking behind these pitches.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07238195176796200866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-12273493675273706882012-03-05T09:58:31.856+00:002012-03-05T09:58:31.856+00:00I'd read both of these - so feel a bit less fl...I'd read both of these - so feel a bit less floundery than usual commenting on these. (Having said that, I don't know much about pitching!)<br /><br />The Apprentice - looks like a great historical romp, which has the potential to be great fun. <br />I'd like a name in the first sentence - I had to go back to see who you meant by 'a young woman'. A shame, as the JOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03127111575563904349noreply@blogger.com