tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post3116772831282047389..comments2024-03-28T06:16:39.508+00:00Comments on Help! I Need a Publisher!: Pitch Pitch - three YA/12+ pitchesNicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-5240383678011091722012-04-07T18:00:08.818+01:002012-04-07T18:00:08.818+01:00My apologies thought I'd replied - thanks to e...My apologies thought I'd replied - thanks to everyone else who gave feedback. <br />JenB - how did you find the Stand BY Me film?Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12528345454322696726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-59581072418284654172012-03-29T00:28:53.936+01:002012-03-29T00:28:53.936+01:00Sorry I didn't comment before. Thanks for the ...Sorry I didn't comment before. Thanks for the further comments on my pitch. <br /><br />Jen did you get round to watching Stand by Me yet?Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12528345454322696726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-5055631640429912792012-03-07T07:42:03.042+00:002012-03-07T07:42:03.042+00:00Thanks, Maggie - I've ordered that film now!Thanks, Maggie - I've ordered that film now!JenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-28395049099021507612012-03-06T18:22:39.126+00:002012-03-06T18:22:39.126+00:00@ JenB, I think she was referring to the film '...@ JenB, I think she was referring to the film 'Stand By Me' which was based on a Stephen King short story. It focuses on teenagers looking for a body.MaggieAMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-64040359243294320562012-03-05T19:55:46.631+00:002012-03-05T19:55:46.631+00:00Kirsty, who is Stand By Me by please? I can see an...Kirsty, who is Stand By Me by please? I can see an adult one by that name on Amazon - will that be the one you mean?JenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-62178983375849519482012-03-05T17:55:06.226+00:002012-03-05T17:55:06.226+00:00Just stepping in with a very brief comment - NOTHI...Just stepping in with a very brief comment - NOTHING is too dark for YA! (Though it does have to be handled properly.) See Tender Morsels...Nicola Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-58112151014785275672012-03-05T17:10:55.153+00:002012-03-05T17:10:55.153+00:00Elizabeth
Thanks for your clear comments on my ...Elizabeth<br />Thanks for your clear comments on my 'We took risks' pitch - I think you've nailed one of my problems with the plot as well as the pitch. Thing is, Tess sets out to prove that she can do drama well against the odds. But the school residential trip which is aimed at producing a drama piece, really gets hijacked by the others who are not as interested and set off on a JenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-8097118290318498072012-03-05T17:04:32.346+00:002012-03-05T17:04:32.346+00:00Training Time - I think this sounds really interes...Training Time - I think this sounds really interesting but does leave me with quite a few questions. Maybe that's good! the phrase 'nearly ends up dead, or in jail' really confuses me! As does 'the classmates who treat her as an equal even when sabotaging her' - does this mean they are pretending to be friends?<br />There's a lot happening in the last para too but that&JenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-43424749993866321652012-03-05T16:57:45.360+00:002012-03-05T16:57:45.360+00:00Fire in the Blood
This sounds to have so much goin...Fire in the Blood<br />This sounds to have so much going for it with a strong title and dramatic plot line. Sandra sounds like a good champion to have as a friend (even if it all goes wrong!) and such a strong friendship should go down well with female teens. two narrators should work well.<br />Is the murderer someone connected with the murder of her family? Sounds a bit like 'The JenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-88242942899161990122012-03-05T13:27:40.664+00:002012-03-05T13:27:40.664+00:00Hi Audry,
this sounds nice and freaky, I'd ra...Hi Audry, <br />this sounds nice and freaky, I'd ratchet that up for all its worth. Juliet's mention of meeting 'a boy' threw me. I think it's the same boy that Sandra has set her up with but you were wanting to get in that the story was written from two perspectives. I don't think that's necessary,especially if it is going to make the reader confused. <br /><br />Elizabeth Dunnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-64668823515266974512012-03-04T22:15:06.415+00:002012-03-04T22:15:06.415+00:00Thanks so much for taking the time and trouble to ...Thanks so much for taking the time and trouble to point out all that's not clear about my pitch! I found it very hard to condense the important plot points into the word limit. It makes me want to expand and explain it all but that's not the point so I'll just try again and repost some time if that's ok. I'll comment on the other two pitches tomorrow when my brain is clearer!JenBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-34200106158134423152012-03-02T14:18:03.681+00:002012-03-02T14:18:03.681+00:00We Took Risks
Hi Jennifer - first off I'd li...We Took Risks <br /><br />Hi Jennifer - first off I'd like to say I completely got that it would be narrated by Tess (or at least from her perspective). Sorry, not so sure the satire came through though. Can you tell us more about this aspect?<br /><br />I agree with the comments from the others. <br /><br />Is it Jack who has pushed Tess to go to the residential? - do the others also have Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12528345454322696726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-2509395108447135432012-03-02T13:45:09.481+00:002012-03-02T13:45:09.481+00:00Fire in the Blood
Hi Audry - I really like the pr...Fire in the Blood<br /><br />Hi Audry - I really like the premise of this pitch but do agree with the others that it sounds a little more adult (I agree there can be overlap and have had this query of my own work) - are the characters in their late teens here?<br /><br />Am I right in thinking (from Nicola's comment) that the two first person narratives come from Sandra and Juliet? I agree Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12528345454322696726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-7890030358070319062012-03-02T13:31:31.886+00:002012-03-02T13:31:31.886+00:00Kirsty - Sounds like you're working hard to ge...Kirsty - Sounds like you're working hard to get the pitch down perfect, best of luck. :) I know what you mean about the fear of giving the plot away -- I'm always worried someone will run off with my project. But I remind myself that there's a (very very) slim chance an agent may run across my query/pitch, so I better make it the best it can be just in case.<br /><br />If it's anyE.Mareehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17283073495361530535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-22988164564146092822012-03-02T13:19:08.319+00:002012-03-02T13:19:08.319+00:00Hi all
First up I'll reply to my comments the...Hi all<br /><br />First up I'll reply to my comments then I'll add mine on the other two posts in a separate comment. <br /><br />Tamlyn and Johanna - oops you noticed my comma addiction - which I am replacing with dashes in this reply. Sorry something I clearly need to work on. And the sentence structure, bad for a writer I know. Editing my work is the part I find the hardest. I do the Kirstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12528345454322696726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-60196627501503022742012-03-02T11:26:44.059+00:002012-03-02T11:26:44.059+00:00Fire In The Blood - The character relationships so...<b>Fire In The Blood</b> - The character relationships sound fresh and interesting, but the language used seems more suited for an adult book than a YA voice: "inadvertently exposes her to a preternatural killer", "near-seclusion" and "She lives vicariously through Sandra's romances, believing that love is a distant dream she will never achieve"<br /><br />I E.Mareehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17283073495361530535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-11213220921281787972012-03-02T10:53:36.789+00:002012-03-02T10:53:36.789+00:00It's been many decades since I was in the YA a...It's been many decades since I was in the YA audience, but I'll pitch in with some observations:<br /><br /><b>Fire in the Blood</b><br />The central idea is conveyed well, but the sentences seem very long and rather clunky. <br /><br /><b>Training Time</b><br />I agree with Tamlyn with regards to the errant commas. I feel the pitch needs work in terms of sentence structure, but otherwiseJohanna Nieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16248046113859482382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-8150757530009732262012-03-02T09:05:39.371+00:002012-03-02T09:05:39.371+00:00Agree with Stroppy Author regarding Fire in the Bl...Agree with Stroppy Author regarding Fire in the Blood – the fantasy element isn’t clear. Even unholy monster could be a way of saying ‘bad person’ rather than literal. It also sounds like straight urban fantasy to me, not sure what YA-y-ness it has (that’s a word. Honest), except for the use of the words boy and girl (as opposed to man and woman). But then, I often have difficulty telling the Tamlynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-14985899611396510802012-03-02T07:54:43.825+00:002012-03-02T07:54:43.825+00:00Really quick as I have to go and do my RLF group, ...Really quick as I have to go and do my RLF group, but Audry sent me to her pitch from twitter and I know I'll forget if I leave it for later...<br /><br />Fire in the Blood - it's not clear how this is a fantasy. It sounds very dark - is there anything that redeems the darkness? It has a slow start, but the second paragraph contains the more compelling information, so maybe re-order?Stroppy Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16560035800075465845noreply@blogger.com