tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post6269092869028237106..comments2024-03-28T06:16:39.508+00:00Comments on Help! I Need a Publisher!: SUBMISSION SPOTLIGHT 6: Adult ReadersNicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-41431711702419134182009-11-02T13:51:41.025+00:002009-11-02T13:51:41.025+00:00Here's the real and final finally ("he ju...Here's the real and final finally ("he just won't go home will he?" ;) I promise Nicola, this will be last time.<br /><br /><br />See, doctor? That fisherman hosing down slippery slats, with the moonlight painting them? Now a knife-sharpener touches an oilstone, engrains oil in whorls on his thumb. Spectators are huddling and blinking at the wind.<br />Here’s my beautiful gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-52984606875193862722009-10-30T17:25:33.409+00:002009-10-30T17:25:33.409+00:00Hi Beleaguered Squirrel
I'm glad you think it...Hi Beleaguered Squirrel<br /><br />I'm glad you think it's better, thank you. And you are right about the word "whipping"; I've deleted it now (as well made even more subtle changes). <br /><br />Concerning the wardrobe: hey, that is so perceptive of you! The wardrobe is mentioned towards the end of this first chapter (still in the first person) in a dream-like way; then an gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-17809328845224832512009-10-30T14:11:24.827+00:002009-10-30T14:11:24.827+00:00I think that's much better, although remember ...I think that's much better, although remember about killing your darlings... the whipping wind, for instance, is unnecessary I think.<br /><br />It's reminded me of something I thought first time though, but forgot to say: Given that you describe the book as being about someone who wakes up in a wardrobe, I was distracted throughout by the lack of a wardrobe. I kept expecting it to make Beleaguered Squirrelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13699493386984083561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-58030528924997675662009-10-30T13:31:51.325+00:002009-10-30T13:31:51.325+00:00And finally...... (I do hope you don't think I...And finally...... (I do hope you don't think I'm overdoing this now Nicola, especially as "the spotlight has been turned off and the audience gone home") but I thought I'd show passers-by to this post my edited version of the 500 words, based on Proe's excellent editing eye. As I wrote previously, I've "hung a few of the baubles back on the tree". Hope I gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-24946916177564491232009-10-30T12:19:13.182+00:002009-10-30T12:19:13.182+00:00Just for the record, the agent whose had my three ...Just for the record, the agent whose had my three chapters for over 3 months has just sent a rejection email.<br /><br />Ah well, onwards and upwards, as they say. All of the constructive crits are going to help enormously, thank you all once again.gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-69231337025476928872009-10-29T09:57:44.715+00:002009-10-29T09:57:44.715+00:00Whoops, forgot to reply to your last comment, Proe...Whoops, forgot to reply to your last comment, Proe.<br /><br />Thank you for your complimentary and encouraging words!<br /><br />:)gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-88402122903109167382009-10-29T00:29:17.191+00:002009-10-29T00:29:17.191+00:00Hi Beleaguered Squirrel
(Every time I see a squir...Hi Beleaguered Squirrel<br /><br />(Every time I see a squirrel, I say: "Ooh, look, a squirrel! AND it's a grey one!" Then the same thought process: "Hang on, it's the red squirrel that's rarely seen". ;)<br /><br />Yes, I think it's a fine balancing act with editing; as an author wanting the odd sentence rearranged perhaps; the odd adjective deleted and still gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-46763578011613160432009-10-28T21:15:26.034+00:002009-10-28T21:15:26.034+00:00Beleaguered Squirrel says "Sadly most publish...Beleaguered Squirrel says "Sadly most publishers don't spend a lot on editing these days, so make the most of what Proe has done for you: You may not be as lucky with an actual publisher."<br /><br />Please note, everyone: the level of editing which Proe has done on gyroscope's work is absolutely way beyond what any (especially first-time) author can expect. Or should expect. Nicola Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-88006873963500508082009-10-28T20:49:16.883+00:002009-10-28T20:49:16.883+00:00gyroscope, I won't add to the critiquing becau...gyroscope, I won't add to the critiquing because everybody has already said everything that needed to be said. Proe has indeed done a lovely job of paring your prose back to its more beautiful bones.<br /><br />I just wanted to add some peripheral stuff. Firstly, editing. Sadly most publishers don't spend a lot on editing these days, so make the most of what Proe has done for you: You mayBeleaguered Squirrelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13699493386984083561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-64747149291259226962009-10-28T13:34:22.024+00:002009-10-28T13:34:22.024+00:00gyroscope:
Thanks for taking that in the spirit i...gyroscope:<br /><br />Thanks for taking that in the spirit in which it was intended! I actually sat down to simply delete every single adjective, just to see what that looked like, then surprised myself by getting drawn into the scene. It took less than 10 minutes, though, because it's still 100% yours. You've got a lovely voice and a real eye for detail. And your willingness to accept Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-37555448401543255452009-10-28T12:31:01.906+00:002009-10-28T12:31:01.906+00:00Hello Jan
Thank you for your wise words con...Hello Jan<br /> <br />Thank you for your wise words concerning the query letter; excellent advice there. I'll be amending the letter some time today. I'm glad you enjoyed my writing! (Although now, it will be edited....)<br /><br />Hi Proe (Anonymous)<br /><br />My goodness: this is the very first time any of my writing has been edited. I thought that if ever there was to be any gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-57491374036289836282009-10-28T08:20:28.775+00:002009-10-28T08:20:28.775+00:00"anonymous" Proe Perkins (getting less a..."anonymous" Proe Perkins (getting less and less anonymous by the day) - now, you and I know that you're a curmudgeonly old bugger who likes to wind me and my other blog-readers up with your curmudgeonliness. However, that is an really excellent piece of prose. It has all the atmosphere and slithery salty feeling of gyroscope's piece, but with precision and crystalline deliveryNicola Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-19519937332753673852009-10-28T03:01:38.397+00:002009-10-28T03:01:38.397+00:00gyroscope:
I started reading this earlier, then s...gyroscope:<br /><br />I started reading this earlier, then stopped, because it's very much not my genre, which renders my opinion worthless. But you're so damn mature about accepting criticism that I thought I'd try a little experiment. I explained myself, but screw that. I'll just apologize in advance, instead. Here's the result:<br /><br />A fisherman hoses down the slats. AAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-49466273631625595262009-10-28T01:02:26.042+00:002009-10-28T01:02:26.042+00:00Hello brave gyroscope. I hope I can make some help...Hello brave gyroscope. I hope I can make some helpful comments for you. On the letter:<br /><br />* You could delete "of representing my work". It sounds awkward and the sentence actually doesn't need it.<br /><br />* You might also think of another way to say recalled psychiatrist that isn't ambiguous. I didn't know whether the psychiatrist had somehow been defrocked in hisJannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-6562892391220613422009-10-28T00:19:44.061+00:002009-10-28T00:19:44.061+00:00Hi all, hope it's OK to post again so soon.
i...Hi all, hope it's OK to post again so soon.<br /><br />i've just read the 500 words again within the blog post. I think one reason why it takes time to latch onto the fact that it's first person SOC is because its in a regular font. All of the first person narrative in the novel is in italic. This clearly defines the first and third, as well as a "learned" aspect by the gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-15917810616237706612009-10-27T23:27:06.406+00:002009-10-27T23:27:06.406+00:00Hi again DOT
Quote: "I am glad my comments h...Hi again DOT<br /><br />Quote: "I am glad my comments have not been received like a harpoon in the buttocks."<br /><br />Hee! "Harpoon in the buttocks" sounds very Monty Python!<br /><br />No really, I appreciate your opinions as I do all others; although I was getting a bit down concerning certain sentences not being understood. I realise that my style "given" to gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-61656389642799892522009-10-27T22:15:21.510+00:002009-10-27T22:15:21.510+00:00I am glad my comments have not been received like ...I am glad my comments have not been received like a harpoon in the buttocks.<br /><br />Just to qualify: the comment about the logic of the protagonist's thought is not dependent on whether or not he has reached a state of psychosis or not - it is, after all the process that ends in him achieving that state - it is more to do with his POV. The best example I can think of as a model is The DOThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00719312854612984929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-24614364472284786532009-10-27T19:38:09.136+00:002009-10-27T19:38:09.136+00:00Hi Jayne
Your comment is appreciated. That's ...Hi Jayne<br /><br />Your comment is appreciated. That's a good idea to reorder the novel description sentences in the query letter, I'll get onto that, thank you. Also "recalled psychiatrist" is definitely out of the window! I'll reword that also. <br /><br />I've just changed 112 instances of "Birnadette" to "Bernadette", and it didn't hurt one gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-4116442051045149202009-10-27T18:39:38.089+00:002009-10-27T18:39:38.089+00:00If I were the editor in question, or indeed someon...If I were the editor in question, or indeed someone browsing in a bookshop, the slightly comic wardrobe touch would make me want to read the book as it wouldn't sound so much like a grimm dense literary read! With that in mind, I would quite likely skim-read the beginning, just taking in that there was a whale involved in it somewhere, and go on to the rest, interested in finding out what Sheilanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-27098519925718816802009-10-27T17:16:40.872+00:002009-10-27T17:16:40.872+00:00Hi DOT
Yes, that initial typo has been there for ...Hi DOT<br /><br />Yes, that initial typo has been there for years; I became "word-blind" to it! I'm guessing though that there's only 0.01 typos left....maybe....possibly ;)<br /><br />I am a layman when it comes to psychiatry, so the following is my uninformed opinion only: Filbert, who suffers a mental illness, is not psychotic (until the end). As far as I know, psychosis is agyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-12377851482070853152009-10-27T16:58:39.115+00:002009-10-27T16:58:39.115+00:00Hello gyroscope. Thank you for this opportunity, I...Hello gyroscope. Thank you for this opportunity, I hope it’s useful to you! I also agree with the other posters that the beginning of your query sounds unduly comical, perhaps too light-hearted, and gives the impression the story will also be in the same vein, when it clearly isn’t. However I also tried reading it using this sentence as the starting point:<br /> <br /><i>Filbert is mentally ill, Jaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11309191526500602452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-27283537320124937552009-10-27T16:32:27.502+00:002009-10-27T16:32:27.502+00:00I agree with much of what has been written here ab...I agree with much of what has been written here about the letter and whether this is the start of the novel or not and so won't bore you with repetition.<br /><br />But I do think that your letter could perhaps try harder to sell your novel than it does at the moment. The set up is intriguing, but I don't get a sense of how the story is going to unravel and what is going to change - and quinknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-72861958745136393712009-10-27T15:42:14.745+00:002009-10-27T15:42:14.745+00:00Hi Sally and Peanut (I hope you don't mind me ...Hi Sally and Peanut (I hope you don't mind me replying to you together)<br /><br />Consensus of opinion can't be ignored: I'll have to find a different way of explaining his strange sleeping quarters and wanting to dress as a woman (which is actually fully explained in the novel). There are a few tongue-in-cheek aspects and even slightly comical characters at the beginning, but this gyroscopenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-13659951344617306742009-10-27T15:26:10.136+00:002009-10-27T15:26:10.136+00:00I would have stopped reading after the initial typ...I would have stopped reading after the initial typo. If an author cannot check, double-check and check again their submission, I feel the rest will be slipshod.<br /><br />Having ploughed best as I could through the rest, I believe it tries to hard. It is not the terseness of the style I find awkward, indeed, I like it though it may prove too exacting over the length of a novel, it is the forced DOThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00719312854612984929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-67827970169684816972009-10-27T15:12:34.887+00:002009-10-27T15:12:34.887+00:00Hi Clare
Thank you for your comment. I'll tak...Hi Clare<br /><br />Thank you for your comment. I'll take another look at the query letter: "recalled psychiatrist" doesn't sound right, I agree; "a remembered psychiatrist" would be better, I guess. I think, trying to be formal in the query letter, I've perhaps overdone it, "proposal is on submission" being one of those overdone phrases.<br /><br />I'gyroscopenoreply@blogger.com