tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post5090047193684286451..comments2024-03-29T07:43:01.003+00:00Comments on Help! I Need a Publisher!: Pitch Pitch: -Nicola Morganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12189894289540344094noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-21278874997671016142012-02-20T16:10:09.186+00:002012-02-20T16:10:09.186+00:00I've not tried to write a pitch/blurb and it m...I've not tried to write a pitch/blurb and it must be difficult to distil your novel into just a few sentences. This one does read as "woolly", too many cliches and a few contradictions. Sounds like there's an engaging story there though.Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00456086542084627953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-22836010972531852042012-02-19T13:46:56.189+00:002012-02-19T13:46:56.189+00:00Niki
Stalking is always in the news and always dr...Niki<br /><br />Stalking is always in the news and always draws one in. I find myself always thinking about the victim and how the situation came about.<br /><br />I don't think I can add any wisdom that I've not read offered already, but I agree overall that your plot sounds action-packed and gripping - there's just a bit of fine tuning to do on the pitch. <br /><br />Is it alreadyJenBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10984534202050061249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-21050577880359166242012-02-18T17:44:55.951+00:002012-02-18T17:44:55.951+00:00Hi Niki,
Good luck with the novel - it has plenty ...Hi Niki,<br />Good luck with the novel - it has plenty of great ingredients. <br />As others have already said, the pitch needs work. <br />As you have it, the first sentence is a passive 'telling' which doesn't drag us into the story. I like Nicola's version: more direct and catchy.<br />I didn't feel it likely that someone would be actively 'on the run' for this longDeborah Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18422714772244468627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-916516128120452592012-02-18T16:49:55.082+00:002012-02-18T16:49:55.082+00:00Hi Niki,
I love these kind of action thrillers so...Hi Niki,<br /><br />I love these kind of action thrillers so I hope it goes well for you.<br /><br />My first thought was you've got the A story and the B story going, so good. Then I wondered if maybe you, like me, were trying too much to get the whole story wrapped up neatly. As Helen said, there are probably too many dramatic episodes. The part about a murder and boat to nowhere was whereElizabeth Dunnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-21416403482100106902012-02-18T06:42:22.207+00:002012-02-18T06:42:22.207+00:00The surname Sekineph seemed really odd to me. How ...The surname Sekineph seemed really odd to me. How is it pronounced? What nationality? So I searched on it... and the only website with this name is this one.<br /><br />Unless there is some real significance to the surname that is explained in the novel, I would suggest changing this to something a little more familiar.<br /><br />Also, the novel sounds like romantic suspense, which is a pretty Iolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17199141868703826943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-20010650663663635722012-02-17T20:38:49.313+00:002012-02-17T20:38:49.313+00:00Hi Niki
This sounds like an exciting and engaging...Hi Niki<br /><br />This sounds like an exciting and engaging novel, but there seem to be a few contradictions in the pitch. <br /><br />Zoe is described initially as a fiery young woman, which implies strength and courage, but at the end of the pitch she's described as a victim. <br /><br />I assume she's been running from her stalker for thirteen years; if this is so, why is his Johanna Nieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09988171098253816070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-68135239242477258312012-02-17T12:14:34.419+00:002012-02-17T12:14:34.419+00:00Six dramatic episodes are mentioned here - speedin...Six dramatic episodes are mentioned here - speeding cars, attempted murder, etc. - but they aren't fleshed out. I'd particularly like to know what 'boat to nowhere' means. I wonder if there are too many attempts on her life by the stalker and just two or three would suffice? I think six of them would exhaust the reader and such a large number of similar scenes would start to Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-26554332481220728562012-02-17T10:03:00.328+00:002012-02-17T10:03:00.328+00:00This sounds like a great story - and so it's w...This sounds like a great story - and so it's worth perfecting this pitch.<br /><br />I'm sure you're attached to the surname 'Naples' but it threw me - made me want this action to take place in the backstreets of a European city rather than North Carolina.<br /><br />I agree with Nicola - begin with the drama. If you can get the tension right in that very first sentence, I JOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03127111575563904349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488887316391780144.post-24224732472547722362012-02-17T09:17:20.731+00:002012-02-17T09:17:20.731+00:00Hi Niki
This sounds like a great story with a str...Hi Niki<br /><br />This sounds like a great story with a strong main character who has an intriguing past, loads of suspense and a bit of romance too. However I have to agree with Nicola in that I think the pitch could do with tightening up to better demonstrate that intrigue, suspense, excitement.<br />I'd suggest that in the first sentence you perhaps don't need to state that she's JoMacdonaldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11283910127476897192noreply@blogger.com