Friday, 24 April 2009

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, de dum, de dum de dum de dum

(NB You need to be a Life of Brian fan to get your teeth round all those de dums)

I may be too busy and fraught to bring you a carefully researched and ruthlessly perceptive blog post at the moment, but I'm never too busy and fraught to bring you someone else's carefully researched and ruthlessly perceptive blog post.

So, I do recommend, for your edification, education, and simultaneous hilarity, this post from literary agent Rachelle Gardner.

Now, those soul-shredding rejection letters which you open and weep over in the privacy of your own garret suddenly don't seem so painful, do they?

And lest you think I am above telling you about my own bad review, I thought you might like to put yourselves in my admittedly gorgeous turquoise boots when I read the shocking review of my novel Fleshmarket, on Amazon. Somewhat weirdly, the reviewer claims to be Bob Geldof, but I don't think this can be true because a) BG has better things to do and b) there's no swearing. All I can do is to remind myself that a) the reviewer is delusional b) the other reviews are good c) the poor sod had probably been forced to study Fleshmarket in class, which is a nasty thing to have to do when you'd rather be out kicking a football / pulling wings off flies, and I apologise to him for causing him distress d) he could well be right, but I can't change it now. I'll try to write betterly next time. Or e) it might be the surly shop assistant I was rude to the other day, getting his own back. And who can blame him?

Which brings me to the real moral of the story: remember that when you are published, you will no longer be able to be rude to anyone and get away with it. It's a crying shame.


TOM J VOWLER said...

I don't know: doesn't like Mondays, doesn't like your novel...poor, deluded man.

Elen Caldecott said...

I feel a fool! I didn't realise you wrote Fleshmarket! I really, really enjoyed it. I was living in Melbourne at the time. I got it out of the - very lovely - central library and sat with an orange juice on my balcony and raced straight through it!
I had lived in Edinburgh just before moving to Oz and it made me all homesick (in a grizzly sort of way!) That you for a perfect afternoon!

Clare said...

How could I have failed to realise the Chronicles of Narnia were really an ad for Turkish Delight? Something missing in my education obviously...

morphine-moniza said...

Such a strange review. "the same thing happened all the time". Like what?

I really enjoyed Fleshmarket! My favourite bits were the parts with Essie. She's so cute.

And the gore was quite harrowing.

behlerblog said...

One of my all time favorite quotes is from Ambrose Bierce:

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

It says it all, doesn't it?

Nicola Morgan said...

Lynn - oh, don't we all know books where the covers were way too far apart?! Love it!

Moniza - I was also unsure what was the thing that kept happening over and over again. As far as I remember, every horrible death was horrible in a quite different way. Wasn't that enough variety? Glad you liked Essie - I'm working on another Essie type at the moment.

Tom - leave them books alone, is what I'd say to him.

Elen - how amazing! No, I don't mean amazing that you didn't know, just amazing that you've read it and even more that you read it in a HOT country. Drinking orange juice.

Clare - trouble is, some verrry weird people read books ...

Sandra said...

Never mind, Nicola. You know what teenagers are like. (And anyway, Bob Geldof shouldn't be reading teen fiction at his age)
The thing that kept happening over and over...hmm, turning the pages perhaps? (-;

Paige Bruce said...

"Which brings me to the real moral of the story: remember that when you are published, you will no longer be able to be rude to anyone and get away with it."

Although I only work in rural radio, we definitely have to learn this lesson very early in our careers, especially if we're around for more than a year - our names are at least marginally known around the community!

It's tough, because as much as you'd love to give someone a piece of your mind, as smart as you know your response would be, it just reflects badly on you.

This also reminds me of a recent news story here in Canada - a political candidate had to drop out of a provincial race because pictures of him surfaced on Facebook. Similar point, methinks!

Cathie said...

I'm looking forward to reading it now. Silly BG, he shoots himself in the foot with such a facile review.

Turkish Delight? Narnia? Well, well. Who'd have thought? It's a timely reminder to be vigilant about subliminal messaging, that's what it is!

Ebony McKenna. said...

*mwah!* (That's a big cyber kiss, just in case you thought I still had a mouth full of Turkish Delight)

That review was a steaming pile of recycled food. Have we all read the same book?

Nicola, I have just finished reading Fleshmarket - from a warm country. Most of the time I was under TWO Doonas as I read it each night but I still felt cold. Your words had me there on the streets with Robbie and Essie. At times I felt so uncomfortable because the book felt real . . . visceral.

I was barracking for them, felt pain along with them, and at times I wanted to say 'no Robbie, don't do it,' but of course he didn't listen to me, did he?

Weronika said...

I'll go looking for it, to see if this reviewer was right in any way. :)