DEAR AGENT: send Crabbit champagne

Happy Publication Day to my ebook, Dear Agent!

To celebrate, a bit of fun - well, I can but dream:

Dear Agent,
I know my book is the most important thing. So I have made it all sparkly and wonderful. But now I have to write you a letter which will make you see how sparkly and wonderful it is, so that you will be desperate to read it. I would have done something really cute and original, such as sending you some toffees or filling the envelope with confetti or turning up on your doorstep on a Saturday evening to hand deliver it while singing “Oh, what a wonderful day!” and dressed as Gollum. But then I read Dear Agent, the frabjous new ebook by Nicola Morgan, and she showed me that while my book must be sparkly and wonderful, the letter only needs to be sensible and clear and get right to the core of my book. 

Frankly, dear agent, I think you owe an enormous debt of gratitude to Nicola Morgan because if I hadn’t read her book I’d have made at least a dozen eye-bleeding errors and you and all your agent friends would be (rightly) laughing at my silliness. She really is a complete marvel and I feel it's only right that you should send her a case of champagne and some chocolates from Coco of Bruntsfield. Or, if you can't manage the champagne, Sainsbury's do a lovely pink Cava which I happen to know she's partial to. Very partial. In fact, tbh, we're talking flagons here.

Or, if you can't even manage that, dear lovely agent, just tell everyone to buy her sodding books. All of them. But especially this one. Because it will save you from a complete dollop of eel vomit stickying up your letter-box or email inbox. 

And now, back to writing that letter to show you how sparkly and wonderful my book is. I'm going to do it now. Really. And I promise not to send it while drunk. 

Deepest respect,

A Spiring Author

PUBLISHED TODAY! PARTY TONIGHT ON TWITTER FROM 6.30pm! COME! BUY! 75p* FOR THIS WEEKEND ONLY! NOW MAY I PLEASE DISENGAGE CAPS LOCK AND STOP SHOUTING AND USING EXCLAMATION MARKS? thank you

(* Actually, presumably because of exchange rate fluctuations, 77p is currently the cheapest I can make it.)

Readers, I need you. I really do. Pleeease help me shoot it up the charts with a resounding thwack. Amazon UK / Amazon.com / Lulu later. Please consider buying it and if you like it, please consider giving it an Amazon review. I will be more grateful than you can know. American readers, too - this book and Write a Great Synopsis are for you, as well!

[Edited to add: doing phenomenally well - No1 in both its categories and before I'd started talking about it today it had already easily outsold Tweet Right for the whole month. Thank you, readers and writers!]

At the party, we will be playing #DearAgentFail, in which you will be able to suggest all the things NOT to do or say in your submission. More details nearer the time. 

DEAR AGENT - Extract 4

Here is your 4th free extract from Dear Agent, to be published on August 10th. By the way, any agent or any commissioning editor in a trade publishing house can ask for a free copy.

Also, you're all invited to the launch party on Twitter on Friday evening! Yes, one of those Crabbit party event thangs where you either need to kick your shoes off and join in, or batten down the hatches and steer well clear. But I have a game for you so please come... More details here on Friday morning - PUBLICATION DAY!

DEAR AGENT - Extract 3

The third free extract from Dear Agent - to be published on Amazon on August 10th - cheaper-than-chips for the first weekend only. (NB I have been saying it will be 50p but I just discovered that's actually not possible: Amazon doesn't allow me to make it less than 75p, so 75p it will be. Sorry. *cross face*)

Here's yer extract. It's pre-proof-reading, btw.

A few less reassuring but equally important points
Although the agent wants your work to be wonderful, she does not expect it to be. That’s because most submissions are awful. Yours won’t be awful, because you’re going to listen to what I tell you.

DEAR AGENT - Extract 2

The second free extract from Dear Agent, to whet your appetite for publication on August 10th. But first, a wonderful piece of feedback from a very important personage who has consistently supported my advice for writers. He's Merric Davidson, former high-powered and highly respected agent and now publisher and editor of The New Writer Magazine. He said:

Worth reading for the author’s “Twenty Tips To Get You Started” alone – but that’s just for starters. These nuggets should be plastered to the wall in front of everyone who’s reached the “lets try it out on an agent” stage. But don’t stop there, for if you do you will miss the wisdom of one who knows.

This is a tightly written, easy to follow, essential volume which cuts through all the nonsense and mystique about what you should/should not do when approaching agencies. In fact, this book explains that, hey, agents are really just people, not godheads!


And always remember Morgan’s Hierarchy of Obedience which "puts the agent at least a three-inch heel above you, until you’ve got a six-book deal, at which point you get to wield the heels." So true.

Merric Davidson, Publisher, The New Writer magazine

I know, you've never heard of Morgan's Hierarchy, have you? Well, read the extract that follows:

DEAR AGENT - Extract 1

I'm delighted to announce the 10-day countdown to publication of Dear Agent - Write the Letter That Sells Your Book! Dear Agent is my nifty, comprehensive ebook about that tricksy thing: the letter pitching your book and yourself to agent or publisher. Dear Agent will make a matching pair with Write a Great Synopsis - An Expert Guide, and once you've read them both, there will be no excuse for anything less than a splendiferous, stressfree, stylish submission.

Dear Agent will be published on August 10th and will be stupid cheap for that weekend only, so don't delay. I've had terrific feedback already. *dances*

Leading up to that, and up until August 17th, I'm giving you free extracts on this blog, and offering lots of giveaways here, on my Facebook page and on Twitter up till August 10th. Keep your eyes open! In fact, if you read to the end of this post, there's a PICK ME opportunity - two chances (and three more on my FB page) of winning a free copy of Dear Agent. Hurry, before I change my mind.

NB The extracts are all taken before final proof-reading.

DEAR CRABBIT: how long till I can follow up a query?

Hooray! The very first Dear Crabbit post! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, see this post from last week, in which I announced a change of direction for this blog.) From now on, most posts here will answer YOUR questions, in an agony auntish sort of way.

So, to kick off, you asked:

"I find it so frustrating when submitting work that it takes so long for people to get back to me - if indeed they get back at all. I know agents and editors are really busy people and have lots of manuscripts to consider, but what I would like to know is whether it is acceptable to follow up a submission when you haven't heard for months, and if so, what is the best way of doing it and after what length of time."

Let me first tackle the "I know agents and editors are really busy people and have lots of manuscripts to consider" bit, although I do realise you weren't asking that! I just want to make it absolutely clear.

It's not just that they are really busy and have lots of MSS to consider. It's also that considering an MS takes a long time; giving the feedback for a rejection takes a long time (which is why they usually don't do that) and can be fraught with problems. They may also have to consult someone else - an editor, for example, no longer makes the decision herself; she has to consult with other editors and then, if they all think it's a good idea, take it forward to an acquisitions meeting.

Only a small fraction of an agent or editor's time can be taken up on reading submissions.

But, back to the important questions. First, "whether it is acceptable to follow up a submission when you haven't heard for months" - absolutely.

Second, "after what length of time." It is acceptable to follow up after 4-6 weeks. I'd opt for six. (Unless the submission guidelines for that agent/publisher specifically specify another length of time.) Sometimes, an agency will say "If you haven't heard from us in eight weeks, assume it's a No." I think this is a little unfair because it IS possible that the thing went missing, whether posted or emailed, so I still think it's legitimate to follow up, politely, briefly, and making it very easy for the agent to reply and to know that you will not start being irritating.

Third, "what is the best way of doing it"?

An email, which needs to have the following info: your name, the date you submitted your work, the title of the work, whether you submitted by email or post.

If you submitted by email, I strongly suggest you have your original email below the reminder, so that the agent can easily scroll down and doesn't have to go searching.

An acceptable wording might be, "Sorry to bother you but I'm just checking that you received the synopsis and first three chapters of my YA historical novel, FLESHMARKET, which I emailed on June 3rd. I also know how busy agents are and I realise that it can take longer than six weeks but I just wondered what the situation was. I very much hope that you are interested but if you aren't, I would like to be able to try elsewhere."

It isn't annoying or pushy. It's perfectly reasonable. I also know that the "checking you've received" thing is a bit disingenuous, but it's very human! And emails do go missing.

There are many similar forms of wording that would work. Basically, you're just giving a little nudge without pressurising.

I think it's very important for writers to realise that agents and editors are not ogres or unreasonable. They know how much you want to be published; they know how stressful it is. There is no way that they will think less of you for sending a polite, professional and friendly email.

___________

I have quite a few Dear Crabbit questions from you guys already. Keep them coming! See the Dear Crabbit page above.

A non-fiction pitch - Deep Country

Not exactly a pitch paragraph today, but a pitch letter - the covering letter that you'd normally send with your synopsis and sample chapters if fiction, or your proposal+synopsis+sample if non-fiction.

Covering letters / query letters / submission letters

*waves to the audience at my Belfast Lit Festival event this evening*

For anyone approaching writing a submission letter for an agent or publisher, here is some basic advice, in advance of my forthcoming book, Dear Agent (scheduled for August 10th and published by the one and only Crabbit Publishing - me).

Seven steps to publication

The other day I did a one and a half hour event, during which I gave as much information as I think anyone possibly could on how to become published. At the end, the final question came from a gentleman who asked (after telling us that I'd given a really good talk and that he'd written a really good book), "How can I get my book published?"

So, for anyone else who simply doesn't hear the words I spend so much effort speaking, or who has missed all the info in this blog and my books, here are my Seven Steps to Publication.

1. Write the book. It must be a book that has a market. Write it as well as you can and then make it better.

2. Research publishers or agents (or both) who handle that sort of book. Make sure they know what they are doing, by checking to see that at least some of the books they handle are at least moderately successful, appearing in shops, receiving mainstream reviews, etc. Make sure they are proper publishers, not printers. Any "publisher" which says on its website, "For all your printing needs", is a printer, not a publisher.

3. Become informed about the process of submission and all the mistakes that can be made. How? Read this blog, read Write to be Published, read other blogs on my blogroll to the right of this page, read From Pitch to Publication by Carole Blake, become switched on to all the fabulous advice out there, which is often freely given. There is no excuse for ignorance of this process - the info is not hidden. Carole and I can both be a little bit crabbit about the fact that we've written these books, which have received fab feedback, and yet there are still some aspiring writers who haven't read them. I mean, really.

4. Prepare your submission carefully - bearing in mind that the covering letter will be slightly different for each approach to an individual agent / publisher and that their synopsis requirements may differ. Begin with getting your sample chapters right. If you don't know what "right" is, the info is in Write to be Published and many other places, including this blog post here.

5. Make sure your synopsis (or proposal, for non-fiction) suits the specific requirements of the agent / publisher. Other than this. Write a Great Synopsis will tell you ALL you need to know about the perfect synopsis. It will even make it seem easy!

6. Make your covering letter sing. The two important parts are the paragraph where you sell your book and the one where you sell yourself. There are MANY mistakes to be made in both. See here for some of them and read Write to be Published and From Pitch to Publication for many more and much positive guidance, too. (I'm writing a book on this, called Dear Agent, but the earliest this will be available is August.)

7. SEND IT! Yes, polish, polish, polish, but at some point stop polishing because you can't make it more shiny than shiny, so, let it go. Send it to 2-4 agencies or publishers at once, usually. And when 2-3 have come back as rejections, adjust / revise and send to more.

That's it. This blog, plus Write to be Published and Write a Great Synopsis really do contain what you need. Please read them before asking me, "How do I get my book published?" I have no more time to spend than I already do. *gently lets head collapse on desk*

Oh, and don't send toffees or naked photos or confetti, or anything. But you know that, don't you?

QUERY LETTERS DISSECTED

Food for thought from Query Shark here. And then from Lynn Price here. Both American viewpoints but little they say is different over here. For "query letter" read "covering letter" - it's just that a US query letter is scarier to write because it has to sell your book and you on its own, without the recipient seeing your sample chapters at that stage.

I particularly draw your attention to Lynn's point about the pointlessness of saying "I chose your company because..." This habit has come about because of writers' genuine and well-intentioned efforts to prove that this is an individual query and the product of great research. However, think about it:

a) as Lynn says, it really doesn't matter why you chose them
b) it's a tad cocky, because there is a flavour of "how lucky you are that I chose YOU"
c) what if this is not the first agency you've tried? Or even the fourth? What you're hiding is, "I chose your agency because although you weren't top of my list of agents, you were at least on the list of agents who might in a million years consider my sort of book."

While searching for Lynn's link, I found this post of hers, containing more query letter noes. The woman is good. When she's not being bad.

The lesson from both Janet and Lynn's posts is: put yourself in the shoes of the recipient and read between your own lines. Hear your own subtext.

 _________________